going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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