Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
