fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
