You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
