Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
