She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
