She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
