I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A+ Viking dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
