i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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