Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
