Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize