U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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