i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He has the fingertips of a God
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