i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
