I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
