If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
