If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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