the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
