We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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