I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am spending my child support on dildos
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
