I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
