Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
