Your dad touched me again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
