How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
