I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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