I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
