What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
