As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize