Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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