i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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