Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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