I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
