First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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