Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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