I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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