Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
