i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
