my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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