i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize