i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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