You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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