I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
