my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
