I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
