Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
