Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
