need another drink. this is the easiest way
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize