I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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