you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out mid-signature
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
