he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
