I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I understand Curling. That high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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