Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Pooping to opera.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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