dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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