weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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