Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
