I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
