she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
