the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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