i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
