I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
