i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
