FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
