I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
