Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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