your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
