y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
