I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
