You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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