Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
