Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
