You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize