You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
