literally had 100 drinks last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
