I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to stop coming to work sober
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
