whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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