R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize