dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
