he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
