ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
