life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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