i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
