My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
