i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
