Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
