two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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