Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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