You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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