For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
