he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
